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TearJerker313 40 / M
"Not a gold member Send me an IM"
Kingman, Arizona, United States
 
Standard Member
Last Visit: This week
Member Since: April 10, 2012

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Status
TearJerker313 40/M
Kingman, Arizona
Introduction
I know how to use a semicolon I'm a dwarf amongst midgets! I'm a private person and expect discretion from you as well. While things are not a secret, I don't like the world knowing my business. Basically, I like hurting women sexually who spell a lot incorrectly. I'm also a hopeless romantic... I like long walks on the beach after anal. I believe Jebus gave men two hands so you can grab a woman by the back of their hair, and still be able to hold a black bladed knife to their throat during degrading, dehumanizing coitus. I love drama and games and Russian roulette involving pregnancy tests. I have a fetish for trailers. The thinner and older the trailer the better. If you have a single wide with aluminum wiring, were a match made in hell. I have a raging semi just thinking about the luxurious aromatic sensations wafting in your 8 x 10 master bedroom. How you masterfully blend the delectable intricacies of Fung shui into your black mold infested abode. Now, for the test. If you didn't detect the sweet aroma of sarcasm and hyperbole, please move on. I try to avoid brain pain inducing encounters. If you're chuckling along, wondering who could possibly not detect the sweet sweet smell of sarcasm, I could tell you stories of harrow and despair. I may have one of the darkest senses of humors on the planet. Yes, this is a bold statement I know. I'm ridiculously picky too, which really gets in the way of one night stands. A pulse is mandatory, no exceptions! I'm surprisingly open to age, race, weights and general appearances within reason since I had dimmer switches installed. I will have a Non Disclosure Agreement NDA for you to sign if you do weigh over 145 lbs. Just kidding, the limit was recently moved up to 175 ... Generous, I know! I prefer women to be at least 28 years old. I know that puts my man card up for review, but it is true. I prefer that you be able to communicate and be able to maintain a conversation. I know, another violation of the rules of behavior for having a man card. I lied to the board last time I faced the tribunal and told them that I just play up these attributes to fool gullible women. They bought the story and allowed me to keep it. So randomly I have to yell out misogynistic phrases like, "Why aren't you chained to the stove." Right now if you're smart, you're asking yourself if this guy actually lives in Kingman, Arizona. I know, I'm surprised that I do as well. When a profile avoids making geographical references, that is an antiquated warning light on the dash. You might show up at the girls luxurious HUD housing in the projects only to get jumped and have your kidneys stolen. So yes, I do live here in fabulous Kingman Arizona. I enjoy people watching at our local Walmart on Stockton Hill on the 1st and 15th when the Government dole is handed out. I'm positive that our Walmart graces the site of a well known website concerning people at Walmart more times than any other. A glorious title to behold, they actually have a plaque on the front wall of the store next to the McDonalds Look for yourself next time you go to buy catfood. I avoid going to Laughlin since the places smell like cigarettes and ass. So, basically if you smell like either of those, hit that arrow at the top that points to the left. Are you ready for a shocker I don't drink or smoke AND I have all my teeth. Put your pitchforks and torches away, I'm not a witch. I'm not a Jehovah Witless or any other koolaid drinking cult group member either. I actually spend quite a bit of time outdoors. I'm in excellent physical condition for someone who doesn't live at the gym sucking down protein shakes. If you point to any of the surrounding mountains that you can see here from Kingman, I've probably been to the top of them. Some of the profiles here indicate that you would like to go and do things outdoors. While usually these areas aren't power scooter accessible, and dragging your oxygen bottle up the hill might be an inconvenience, we might be able to make arrangements. Everyone knows it is safe to go off into the desert with someone you met from the internet where cell service is questionable. So if you've read to here and have been moderately entertained send me a message. We can talk shit, trade pictures and communicate by email for a while. Then you might graduate to phone and text messaging. Then if I feel comfortable, we might meet somewhere public. I have many stories about why I am so cautious. Ask, they're entertaining. A wise female friend once told me, "A woman would receive the honor of a lifetime if I made the effort to stalk them." The level of compliment this would be from me is extraordinary. I'd actually rather have someone interesting to speak with than someone who comes over and bends over my plush couch. What is that, the third strike on my man card in one profile As you can see, I can talk about myself endlessly Who knew that there were benefits to being a narcissistic nihilistic asshole.

My Ideal Person Since deaf mute nymphos are hard to come by, lets see...I prefer mature women. I dry heave at the idea of lying to get into women's pants. Feign promises of wuv sicken me. The fact that most men use this tactic and most women cant see through it makes my eyes roll. If you look at the interaction between men and women, its generally men saying whatever is needed to get into a woman's pants. Nothing is more annoying to me than a woman who cannot hold an intelligent conversation. If every other sentence is, "WUT DO U MEAN?" in trailer park patois I'm pulling the eject handle no matter how good you look. I prefer curvy women over stick figures if were being honest. I pass on the young 18-25 year old women. Strike four? I'm not good at baseball. Even gingers may apply. I said a pulse was mandatory not a soul!

What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
A bed, The beach, A moving vehicle (i.e. car), The middle of a park, An airplane, A dark back alley, A movie theatre, A remote wilderness spot, A swimming pool or hot tub, A hotel room

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Mutual Masturbation, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Voyeurism, Handcuffs/Shackles, Massage, Blade Play

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Sexual experience, Physical attraction, Same/similar fetishes, Ability to be discreet, Sexual appetite, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything, Creativity/Kinkiness level, A little of each, A pulse.

Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
Not really. I don't watch TV. So I'm not very familiar
with celebrities.

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

View more of TearJerker313's responses

Information
  • 40 / male
  • Kingman, Arizona, United States
Sexual Orientation:
Straight
Looking For:  Women, Couples (man/woman), Groups or Couples (2 women)
Birthdate: March 10, 1984
Relocate?: No
Marital Status: Married
Height: 6 ft 2 in / 187-190 cm
Body Type: Athletic
Smoking: I'm a non-smoker
Drinking: I don't drink at all
Drugs: I don't use drugs
Education: Some college
Occupation: It's private
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic
Have Children: Yes. We live together.
Want Children: Happy with what I have
Male Endowment: Average/Thick
Circumcised: Yes
Speaks: English
Hair Color: Brown
Hair Length: Crewcut
Eye Color: Green
Glasses or Contacts: None